Beseach me not in the midnight hour
as the rest of the sun
is not the waking of the flower.
For the beauty of the bloom
is to be seen with alert, open eyes
to inspire courage and love
in the illuminate skies.
However one cannot know
whether it is dark or dawn
without the blinds over the open window
revealing and drawn
but what to do when the light
is just out of grasp
and one pleads for it desperately
with a cry and a gasp
when all that need be done
is to remove the mask from teary eyes
before the beautiful bloom
deep inside dies
yet how can one become
what one cannot comprehend
all that can be done
is to pray for the end.
Thursday 26 March 2009
How?
HOW CAN I GO ON
EVERY DAY
KNOWING THAT I
HATE THE WAY
MY LIFE IS GONE
LOST IN TIME
WAKING EACH DAY
NOT WORTH A DIME
ALL I’M WORTH
IS MY ADDICTION
THE THINGS IT MAKES ME DO
WITHOUT CONVICTION
A SLAVE TO MY LIFE
LOOKING FROM THE OUTSIDE IN
NEVER FREE
FROM THE HOLLOWNESS WITHIN.
EVERY DAY
KNOWING THAT I
HATE THE WAY
MY LIFE IS GONE
LOST IN TIME
WAKING EACH DAY
NOT WORTH A DIME
ALL I’M WORTH
IS MY ADDICTION
THE THINGS IT MAKES ME DO
WITHOUT CONVICTION
A SLAVE TO MY LIFE
LOOKING FROM THE OUTSIDE IN
NEVER FREE
FROM THE HOLLOWNESS WITHIN.
Saturday 22 November 2008
Abraham Biggs online suicide
I heard of this earlier on today and felt a need to say something online to all those who were proved to be 'Egging him on'. I simply wanted to asure you that, as much as you may try to convince youselves that you were not responsible for his death and that he would have done it anyway, You are in no uncertain terms responsible for his death and will spend the entirety of your afterlives burning in the fires of hell. Allow me to explain
I have been to the brink before, been on the cusp of taking my own live and then crossed that line in an attempt at suicide. I know how it feels. I wont go on and bore you with my feelings at the time and I wont presume to understand exactly what was going through Abraham's mind at the time, that would be an intrusion. However I will say what my ideas are on your lude words and 'cotributions' and the effect they likely had on him.
See when you are at that point, the point where you feel you have no escape from all the overwhelming pain or emptiness you don't think "Oh hey you what I'll just kill myself, where are the pills" No you try to fight it, you subconciously give out signs and signals to those around you and you cry, you cry so hard that your throat hurts becouse you think back to the years when you where a child, happy with you friends or your family or basically any happy memories you have and ask your self one important question " How the hell did I get here?"
You fight what your feeling becouse you don't want to be the kind of person that would take their own life, that isn't a person you ever wanted to be. You don't WANT to kill yourself you just don't see any other way. but the effort needed to fight takes it's toll and you become exhausted trying to keep your head above water.
So what do you do? You reach out. Imagine feeling so scared, not of others but of youself and what you might do to yourself that you reach out to everyone you can, your family, friends doctors hey even enemies just so that someone will notice and stop you from doing what you so desperatly don't want to do but have no control over doing. The feeling of having no-ne answer my pleas is what drove me over the edge, but to have someone there, the people - strangers or not - who you had turned to for help, telling you to do it, I couldn't imagine that feeling. He was most likely insecure about himself and to have you animals convincing him that his death would make no difference to the world would have been devestating, To reach out for help only to be convinced that everything your feeling is right and that others think that you should just get it over with would have pushed him along a path of no return.
He wasn't some silly guy on the internet trying to get attention, he was a scared, lost soul in tremendous amounts of pain looking for help but you were to cruel to even offer that much weren't you.
He had a family you monsters but you saying the things you did pushed him over the edge. The comfort that his Family would care if he died was destroyed becouse you just had to be funny and crude. You sitting there typing on your computer cost a boy his life and you are all murderers. I sincerely hope that this post makes you understand a little better what you did and that the guilt from that follows you around for the REST OF YOUR LIVES.
Becouse it is the least you deserve.
He needed help, he wanted to be saved and all you had to do was look inside your hearts and find a LITTLE goddamn compassion to help another human being but your unbelievably dense little minds couldn't comprehend that could you. You should all be disgusted with yourselves. I mean what harm would it have coused you to type in " No don't do it, it's not worth it" It wouldn't have cost you anything.
If any of you where ever, at a future date, to post on the internet that you wanted to take your own life and I were to happen upon it, you know what I would do, I would tell you not to do it and to talk to your family becouse they can help you. Becouse however reprehensible I find you, you are still another living person and I could never be so evil as to encourage you.
To the people who did try to discourage him, I applaud you. You did try and even though it was unsuccessful you should still be proud that you showed compassion towards another person in pain. It's just that when someone feels that fragile even a few negative comments can push away all positive ones. You made and excellent effort that was tarnished by a select number of ghouls.
To Abraham,I may not have met you but I grieve for you. I sincerely hope you can find the peace in heaven that you were cruelly robbed of in this life.
I have been to the brink before, been on the cusp of taking my own live and then crossed that line in an attempt at suicide. I know how it feels. I wont go on and bore you with my feelings at the time and I wont presume to understand exactly what was going through Abraham's mind at the time, that would be an intrusion. However I will say what my ideas are on your lude words and 'cotributions' and the effect they likely had on him.
See when you are at that point, the point where you feel you have no escape from all the overwhelming pain or emptiness you don't think "Oh hey you what I'll just kill myself, where are the pills" No you try to fight it, you subconciously give out signs and signals to those around you and you cry, you cry so hard that your throat hurts becouse you think back to the years when you where a child, happy with you friends or your family or basically any happy memories you have and ask your self one important question " How the hell did I get here?"
You fight what your feeling becouse you don't want to be the kind of person that would take their own life, that isn't a person you ever wanted to be. You don't WANT to kill yourself you just don't see any other way. but the effort needed to fight takes it's toll and you become exhausted trying to keep your head above water.
So what do you do? You reach out. Imagine feeling so scared, not of others but of youself and what you might do to yourself that you reach out to everyone you can, your family, friends doctors hey even enemies just so that someone will notice and stop you from doing what you so desperatly don't want to do but have no control over doing. The feeling of having no-ne answer my pleas is what drove me over the edge, but to have someone there, the people - strangers or not - who you had turned to for help, telling you to do it, I couldn't imagine that feeling. He was most likely insecure about himself and to have you animals convincing him that his death would make no difference to the world would have been devestating, To reach out for help only to be convinced that everything your feeling is right and that others think that you should just get it over with would have pushed him along a path of no return.
He wasn't some silly guy on the internet trying to get attention, he was a scared, lost soul in tremendous amounts of pain looking for help but you were to cruel to even offer that much weren't you.
He had a family you monsters but you saying the things you did pushed him over the edge. The comfort that his Family would care if he died was destroyed becouse you just had to be funny and crude. You sitting there typing on your computer cost a boy his life and you are all murderers. I sincerely hope that this post makes you understand a little better what you did and that the guilt from that follows you around for the REST OF YOUR LIVES.
Becouse it is the least you deserve.
He needed help, he wanted to be saved and all you had to do was look inside your hearts and find a LITTLE goddamn compassion to help another human being but your unbelievably dense little minds couldn't comprehend that could you. You should all be disgusted with yourselves. I mean what harm would it have coused you to type in " No don't do it, it's not worth it" It wouldn't have cost you anything.
If any of you where ever, at a future date, to post on the internet that you wanted to take your own life and I were to happen upon it, you know what I would do, I would tell you not to do it and to talk to your family becouse they can help you. Becouse however reprehensible I find you, you are still another living person and I could never be so evil as to encourage you.
To the people who did try to discourage him, I applaud you. You did try and even though it was unsuccessful you should still be proud that you showed compassion towards another person in pain. It's just that when someone feels that fragile even a few negative comments can push away all positive ones. You made and excellent effort that was tarnished by a select number of ghouls.
To Abraham,I may not have met you but I grieve for you. I sincerely hope you can find the peace in heaven that you were cruelly robbed of in this life.
Monday 10 November 2008
The towering oak
The oak tree towers over me
And blocks the sunlight from my face
I want to trust
That the delay is just
Destiny working at it's own pace
But my trust is waning
My spirit straining
Why can't I have the life I crave?
Miserable I shall be
It seems to me
From now until I reach the grave.
And blocks the sunlight from my face
I want to trust
That the delay is just
Destiny working at it's own pace
But my trust is waning
My spirit straining
Why can't I have the life I crave?
Miserable I shall be
It seems to me
From now until I reach the grave.
Philosophical thought on Light vs Dark
The all encompassing light chases away the shrouding darkness.
That’s a common conception among people. They believe it with all their souls and allow it to coil its comforting arms around them and banish fears of monsters in the night. It brings them inspiration for poems and art, likening it to love and family and anything they can to make them selves feel better about the twisted truth of their damaged souls. Because everybody has those thoughts, the ones that come in moments of intense anger or pain, the ones that are not be talked about in polite company, the ones that turn people into slaves to the idea that the light always chases away the dark. But darkness is much more than a simple lack of light, it is an entity, a living thing that dwells inside of every living person.
But see even the people who have that darkness inside of them also possess the light. It shines at the surface, hiding the darkness in the depths of the heart for ever. That is why they cannot see the other side.
When someone goes through life without that light, without the comfort of a lie to hide behind and fight off the horrors of your own true nature, they are privileged - or cursed - enough to observe another perspective on the matter. Perhaps the Darkness is not defeated by the light but simply bows in submission to the one enemy it cannot exist without.
Without the ideals of good there can be none of evil and since life to each individual is nothing more than their perceptions of it then the one cannot exist in this life without the other. Without day there is no night. This is something that everyone knows is truth, but one thing no-one can ever know is the true standing between the two defining forces. Throughout history it has been thought that light does or at least should always defeat the darkness.
However, with a perspective unclouded by a shining light and a warm, nurturing soul comes a new belief. The dark is the true noble one as it does not lose to the light, rather it steps aside and allows the light to shine it’s warming glow over people, to sate their primal need for the rays of day, for without the light the darkness has no reason to be.
But it goes beyond that, beyond a simple selfish gesture, it is an everlasting show of envy and worship. For light is everything darkness is lacking. Warmth, comfort, life. Whereas darkness is cold and frightening and death. It is guilty of many things, it uses it’s arms to conceal those who would hurt, damage or corrupt the light to which it so reveres. It strikes fear in the heart of children and adults alike. But one sin it would not commit is to use it’s own existence to damage any form of light. That is why the shadows of the night retreat away from the breaking dawn and why feelings of darkness inside someone, when it is taking over, does not blurt out into the open like the light but rather inspires urges of self-destruction, rather destroying itself than allow it’s involuntary growth to destroy the light. Because when considered logically even it’s sins are a gift of sorts. Because just as the darkness cannot live without the light, nor can the day survive without the night . For without the fear and threats of danger brought on from the darkness there would be no need for the reassuring warmth of the light.
This rare perspective allows the realisation that Darkness is not the villain of the story. Rather the invisible hero that holds the weight of this responsibility on it’s metaphorical shoulders. This is known as a truth to those who share this perspective, for no-one else will ever realise the overwhelming effort taken trying to restrict and withdraw from those around them who bathe in the light of their souls out of fear of damaging or corrupting this quality with the shadows of their own hearts. For the closest the dark will ever get to experiencing light is to view it in the actions and ideals of others, and to feel proud that it is doing it’s part to ensure the continuous existence of this.
That’s a common conception among people. They believe it with all their souls and allow it to coil its comforting arms around them and banish fears of monsters in the night. It brings them inspiration for poems and art, likening it to love and family and anything they can to make them selves feel better about the twisted truth of their damaged souls. Because everybody has those thoughts, the ones that come in moments of intense anger or pain, the ones that are not be talked about in polite company, the ones that turn people into slaves to the idea that the light always chases away the dark. But darkness is much more than a simple lack of light, it is an entity, a living thing that dwells inside of every living person.
But see even the people who have that darkness inside of them also possess the light. It shines at the surface, hiding the darkness in the depths of the heart for ever. That is why they cannot see the other side.
When someone goes through life without that light, without the comfort of a lie to hide behind and fight off the horrors of your own true nature, they are privileged - or cursed - enough to observe another perspective on the matter. Perhaps the Darkness is not defeated by the light but simply bows in submission to the one enemy it cannot exist without.
Without the ideals of good there can be none of evil and since life to each individual is nothing more than their perceptions of it then the one cannot exist in this life without the other. Without day there is no night. This is something that everyone knows is truth, but one thing no-one can ever know is the true standing between the two defining forces. Throughout history it has been thought that light does or at least should always defeat the darkness.
However, with a perspective unclouded by a shining light and a warm, nurturing soul comes a new belief. The dark is the true noble one as it does not lose to the light, rather it steps aside and allows the light to shine it’s warming glow over people, to sate their primal need for the rays of day, for without the light the darkness has no reason to be.
But it goes beyond that, beyond a simple selfish gesture, it is an everlasting show of envy and worship. For light is everything darkness is lacking. Warmth, comfort, life. Whereas darkness is cold and frightening and death. It is guilty of many things, it uses it’s arms to conceal those who would hurt, damage or corrupt the light to which it so reveres. It strikes fear in the heart of children and adults alike. But one sin it would not commit is to use it’s own existence to damage any form of light. That is why the shadows of the night retreat away from the breaking dawn and why feelings of darkness inside someone, when it is taking over, does not blurt out into the open like the light but rather inspires urges of self-destruction, rather destroying itself than allow it’s involuntary growth to destroy the light. Because when considered logically even it’s sins are a gift of sorts. Because just as the darkness cannot live without the light, nor can the day survive without the night . For without the fear and threats of danger brought on from the darkness there would be no need for the reassuring warmth of the light.
This rare perspective allows the realisation that Darkness is not the villain of the story. Rather the invisible hero that holds the weight of this responsibility on it’s metaphorical shoulders. This is known as a truth to those who share this perspective, for no-one else will ever realise the overwhelming effort taken trying to restrict and withdraw from those around them who bathe in the light of their souls out of fear of damaging or corrupting this quality with the shadows of their own hearts. For the closest the dark will ever get to experiencing light is to view it in the actions and ideals of others, and to feel proud that it is doing it’s part to ensure the continuous existence of this.
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